


Come Home, My Mirror

by hawkeing_eta



Category: Persona 2
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Comfort, Flowers, Fluff, M/M, Piano, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 18:13:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15345639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeing_eta/pseuds/hawkeing_eta
Summary: Tatsuya turns and watches Jun look over the old swing set. A wave of nostalgia hits and he realizes how close he was to this never happening. Jun turns to look at him from across the playground and the evening sun is at his back. Tatsuya can’t help but think how easily they could have lost him. They truly almost did.Maybe Maya was right. He should say something.





	Come Home, My Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> My full piece for the TatsuJun Zine

If Tatsuya remembered correctly, Maya had said she liked the song that played at this particular drugstore. It’s a little too bubbly for his tastes, but the song is certainly an earworm. It takes him a second to realize he had been tapping his finger to the beat against the box of ointment he’d been staring at for maybe a little too long. He tries not to roll his eyes as he shoves it in the basket hanging from his arm with the other supplies.

Lisa snaps her gum and it’s only loud enough to just catch Tatsuya’s attention. She’s leaning against the shelves of alcohol wipes and disinfectant and Tatsuya notes how her hands fidget with the sleeve of her school uniform. He always noticed those little quirks, but now they hold such a heavier inclination. There must be an itch for something, but other than that one small tell, she must have grown used to ignoring it.

Her gum snaps again but Tatsuya is too caught up in his own thoughts to be bothered by it or tell her to stop. He goes back to staring at a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

“Hey, Chinyan,” Lisa says casually, but with how her foot is swaying back and forth on its heel, she’s anything but. “Don’t you think we have enough supplies?”

The basket hanging off his arm is getting a little heavy. He just wanted to restock for the day while he had the opportunity, before everyone parted ways for the day. The amount he picked up is a bit more than a simple restock. Tatsuya fights down the building self-consciousness.

She gnaws at her bottom lip and Tatsuya knows she’s still bothered by what he had said at that last temple. She wants to ask. He’s glad she’s not. Lisa sighs as she spits her gum into the wrapper. It’s gross she holds onto it, but it’s better than the alternative. It doesn’t bother him that much anyway. She can do what she wants.

“It’s getting late…”

His fingers tap against the basket to the beat of the earworm. It’s not what’s occupying his thoughts.

“Just… let us know when you’re ready, okay?”

The question feels too heavy for Tatsuya’s liking.

“Eikichi has been whining since the last temple for food.” Lisa rolls her eyes, but there’s a particular fondness in her exasperation that lessens the jab. It’s as good a save as any.

Tatsuya knows he’s spending too much time lingering here, and he knows he’s letting his mind wonder. Jun’s laugh from the other side of the store pierces through the bubbly music. It isn’t loud or disruptive, but Tatsuya locks onto it. It still doesn’t feel real.

One more box of bandage wrap gets tossed in the basket and Tatsuya needs to move before he loses himself again.

“We’ll leave soon,” Tatsuya says. Lisa is surprised that he responded at all, but she accepts it. As she pushes herself off the shelf and past Tatsuya towards the front of the store, she pats his shoulder reassuringly. Tatsuya feels his shoulders tense and he hates that this is his gut reaction.

A sigh slips. He really should stop stalling.

The woman behind the counter is a sweet older woman, and Tatsuya feels embarrassed at never being able to remember which of the sisters this is. He just stares as she rings up the abnormal amount of rudimentary medical supplies.

Near the front of the store, just behind him, Jun is chatting with the rest of the group. He’s meshing with everyone like they all had never been seperated and it feels surreal. Tatsuya isn’t sure what to think. It’s a scary thought but he can’t measure the amount of relief he feels. The scanner beeps with each item and Tatsuya anxiously takes the lighter out of his pocket.

He can’t stop thinking about it. He can’t get those wide eyes out of his head.

Jun’s hands had been exceedingly hesitant. They anxiously hovered over Tatsuya’s back when he had first pulled him close after Jun had come back to himself. Tatsuya held him in his arms and Jun felt so stiff. It was almost as though he had forgotten how to embrace another person. A shaky hand ran up Jun’s ridgid back.

It had been slow and methodical the way Jun’s hands moved. Fingers touched first, brushing the black fabric of Tatsuya’s school blazer. They froze at the frist touch. Maybe he was afraid of Tatsuya shattering; of all this crashing down around him and waking up yet again to an empty apartment. When nothing shattered, when Tatsuya’s arms held firm, the rest of Jun’s hands had followed. Palms spread out across his broad back and with one last deep, ragged intake of breath, Jun melted. Delicate fingers dug in and clung to coarse fabric and Tatsuya had lost track of time.

Jun was back and right where he belonged.

Tatsuya can’t stop thinking about it. The lighter is heavy in his hand and he isn’t sure he’ll truly get over it. The Satomi sister tells him his total and jolts Tatsuya out of his head. He fumbles for his wallet and pays for the supplies with a soft apology. As he gathers the bags together to sort through later, he glances across the store to the front windows. Lisa is excitedly explaining something to Jun, Eikichi occasionally interrupting to Lisa’s ire. Jun laughs, but he looks stiff. It’s as though he’s still trying to figure out how to act, who to be. Tatsuya wonders if Jun is weighing whether this is okay for him.

Lisa and Eikichi have started arguing over something yet again. Jun’s shoulders look too taut, but his amused smile seems genuine enough. It’s something.

“You should say something to him.” Maya catches Tatsuya off guard. She’s by the aisles, looking at some snack foods displayed on an endcap with a vibrant sale sign. When she looks away to turn towards Tatsuya, her smile is wide and warm. He sees that playful, knowing undertone, though. She’s playing at something.

Tatsuya looks away and tries to fight down the raising heat. Maya’s smile encapsulates her entire face.

“You see it, right?” She turns towards the others, the setting sun shining through the storefront. Tatsuya sees the way it catches in Jun’s dark hair. It looks like a halo the way it frames his face. It brings foreboding memories. “He wants this. Us.” Maya looks back to Tatsuya but he still can’t bring himself to meet her yet. He can still feel her smile. “You may have already said how you feel, but I think he wants you to say _something_.” They’re both quiet before that wide playful smile is back and she leans into Tatsuya’s personal space teasingly. She turns to join the others and Tatsuya just stares at her back.

Lisa and Eikichi’s argument pauses when Maya joins the group, smile lighting up the whole room. Tatsuya can’t ignore how Jun looks up to the woman. Maybe he’s still trying to convince himself she’s really here and that this isn’t some twisted fabrication anymore.

When Tatsuya finally steps forward, Jun looks to him. The smile he offers is hesitant, yet completely genuine. Tatsuya feels his heart pound in his chest. He doesn’t quite understand why he feels nervous, but Tatsuya does know he wants Jun to smile more often.

  


“Are you sure you two don’t want anything? We can bring something back,” Maya asks. Lisa and Eikichi have already started heading towards the shopping strip just down the street to grab a bite to eat. Tatsuya smiles gratefully, but declines the offer with a small wave of his hand. Maya smiles herself, and Tatsuya sees the way her eyes flick over to Jun looking over the playground equipment. There’s suddenly a new undertone to her grin and Tatsuya feels like he’s being urged to do something. His face heats up.

Her teasing laugh is bubbly and it just causes Tatsuya to blush harder before she finally sets off to catch up with the others. Tatsuya takes a few breaths to push it back down. The others shouldn’t be gone too long. A moment alone to collect his thoughts would be nice. They’re still racing and he still finds himself wondering how this is all happening.

Tatsuya turns and watches Jun look over the old swing set. A wave of nostalgia hits and he realizes how close he was to this never happening. Jun turns to look at him from across the playground and the evening sun is at his back. Tatsuya can’t help but think how easily they could have lost him. They truly almost did.

Maybe Maya was right. He should say something.

Tatsuya steps forward to join him by the swing set. Jun’s smile has grown less hesitant around him and it’s a pleasing realization. It feels right and Tatsuya doesn’t feel such a heavy weight on his shoulders when Jun smiles so honestly like that.

“You didn’t want to join them?” Jun asks as he takes hold of the old chain of a swing and sits. There’s a faint groan of metal on metal. He’s just a touch too big for the seat, but Jun doesn’t seem to care. Tatsuya sits on the swing right next to him. The chains groan louder.

“No,” Tatsuya answers. He keeps his eyes down by his shoes.

Jun doesn’t push any further than that, yet the silence that settles around them doesn’t feel stifling. Tatsuya doesn’t feel the awkward need to fill it or that he needs to. Jun just lets himself gently rock back and forth in the swing. The only sound Tatsuya can hear are the chains. The city has never been this quiet before. It’s unsettling, but Tatsuya doesn’t want to linger on that.

The sound of creaking chains stops and Tatsuya looks to his side. Jun is bathed in the deep orange glow of the setting sun, his profile soft against the muted and worn colors of the old playground. Tatsuya sees how his eyes aren’t focused on anything ahead of him, and how his hands grip the chain beside his head. He sees how Jun’s knuckles turn white, but only briefly. Those fingers slowly loosen from their grip. They fidget, but fingertips run down each chain, each rung, before Jun just sets his hands down in his lap. They wring together anxiously.

“The city has grown so quiet,” Jun finally says. Tatsuya almost doesn’t catch it. He’s too preoccupied with watching the hard angles that make up Jun’s fingers. Those hands are so gentle with his guiding gestures and with the plants he tends, yet Tatsuya knows what harsh vice they are capable of. They’re at his watch now, twisting the metal around his thin wrist. Jun’s grown into it.

Tatsuya fights down the urge to reach out and pry those hands apart. He’s not sure why.

Instead he fights with himself over if he should say anything, and what he could even say to begin with. Jun takes a deep breath and steadies himself. Tatsuya watches as Jun sits straighter on the swing and whatever had been plaguing him passes along with any chance Tatsuya had. He doesn’t feel particularly put out, but more inconvenienced. Frustration simmers in his gut.

A chain creaks and Tatsuya looks up to find Jun leaning in close. There’s quiet concern in his dark eyes, but Tatsuya is more startled by the sudden realization of their proximity. Jun’s gaze softens as he seems to realize something. The apologetic smile he offers is kind as he sits back up.

“Tatsuya, do you happen to have any water in your bag?”

The question feels as though it came out of left field, but Tatsuya is relieved at the change of subject. Despite the years, they fall back into rhythm so easily. It’s like they never parted. Tatsuya’s heart pangs when he stands from the swing.

“Yeah.”

He hears the chains rattle as Jun stands. Tatsuya gets to the bag he had left by the fence. He shuffles through the duffle bag and pulls out one of the bottles. When he returns to Jun, he finds him carefully tugging open the breast pocket of his jacket and pulling out the yellow iris he insistently keeps there. A small glass vial is at the base of the flower’s stem. His fingers make careful work of taking the cap off.

“Would you care to help me?” Jun asks, and Tatsuya knows this isn’t something he necessarily needs help with. Jun is holding out the flower for Tatsuya to take, like an offering of appeasement, and Tatsuya can’t say no. He wouldn’t want to.

Tatsuya’s fingers fumble as he tries to gently take the flower with one hand. It feels so delicate, like it could crumble in his grasp if he holds too tight. It isn’t a fragile piece of machinery like he’s used to handling, but something precious and alive. Jun lets go and when Tatsuya looks up from the iris, the world seems to pause. Jun is carefully watching Tatsuya’s hand and how he’s trying to cradle the stem between his calloused fingers. Slowly, Jun smiles and it’s even warmer than the red and orange hues bathing him from the setting sun. Tatsuya swallows down the lump forming in his throat.

It doesn’t feel broken or jarring, but time shifts again and Jun holds up the small vial between them. It’s a natural progression, one that isn’t stifling but a comfort. Tatsuya offers the bottle out and as Jun unscrews the cap with one hand, somehow it’s grounding. He feels Jun’s cool hand over his on the bottle. Tatsuya doesn’t have to wonder if this is real. Jun is right there and for this fleeting moment he isn’t afraid that he is the one dreaming; that he is the one who will jolt awake one morning to an intact city and a normal, empty life.

Jun is still going to be here tomorrow. Tatsuya convinces himself this is okay to have.

His hand is gently guided to tip the bottle and they both fill the small glass vial. Some of the water spills, splattering on the cement below, but Jun just chuckles at Tatsuya’s fretting. It comes naturally between them, and even with the embarrassment and awkwardness Tatsuya can never shake, he doesn’t want to lose this again.

There’s still a smile gracing Jun’s charming face as he lets go of the bottle and holds his hand out. It takes a beat for Tatsuya to realize Jun’s asking for the flower back. He had almost forgotten he was still holding it in the first place. With a dusting of red across his face, Tatsuya hands the iris back and Jun gratefully takes it. Tatsuya tires not to focus on how Jun’s fingers run along his when he pulls back.

“Thank you,” Jun says, carefully slipping the stem into the vial and pushing the cap back in place. It gets neatly tucked back into his breast pocket with a gentle pat.

They both sit back on the swingset. The creak of the chains and groan of the metal are the only sounds. The silence doesn’t feel so suffocating and as Tatsuya lets himself gently rock back and forth, he digs into his pocket and lets his fingers run over the face of the lighter as he pulls it out. The engraving has gotten smoother over the years from the wear.

Jun is the one to point out the return of their friends. Tatsuya looks down the street and sees Eikichi waving a plastic bag overhead. Everyone else seems to be carrying take-out as well and Tatsuya sighs despite the half-smile tugging at his face.

“Tatsuya?”

He looks over to Jun at his side as his thumb flips open the lighter. Jun is smiling as he watches the other’s approach, and Tatsuya notes how his hands grip the chains beside him. There’s tension in his grip, but it’s nowhere near the stressful hold he had earlier.

“Stay with me tonight?”

It sounds like such an honest request.

“Alright.”

Tatsuya flips the lighter closed.

  


When the group splits for the night, it doesn’t feel right to go home. There’s something that deeply unsettles Tatsuya about the thought of returning to a normal family that will act as though nothing is wrong. Life is marching on for them as though the city isn’t all that’s left and Tatsuya absolutely does not want to linger on that thought. He doesn’t want to be alone, though. With the grip Jun has on his elbow as they walk down the side streets to the apartment complex, Jun does not want to be left alone with those thoughts either.

Their walk through the city is quiet and only a little burdened.

When they finally reach Jun’s apartment, Tatsuya finds it a little empty. He isn’t sure what he expected, but somehow, this met those expectations. His chest feels heavy thinking about it. But he’d rather be here tonight than anywhere else. Jun doesn’t meet his eye when he smiles and invites him in.

Tatsuya is careful as he steps into the small living space. He feels as though he is intruding in a very private matter as he looks over the potted plants and flower baskets carefully placed throughout the shelves and tabletops. They look incredibly healthy and Tatsuya smiles down at a small vase of anemone by the one bookshelf.

Jun is watching him and Tatsuya doesn’t realize it until it’s too late. Jun looks pleased and it’s absolutely genuine. Tatsuya feels the faint burn of embarrassment and bashfulness as he looks away. He hears Jun chuckle and it does nothing to calm Tatsuya’s heart.

“I’m sorry I don’t have much to offer,” Jun says as he steps into the small kitchen and rustles around in the cabinets. He comes back with a glass of water and offers it out. “But I’m glad you’re here.”

Tatsuya takes the offered glass and he tries not to focus too much on how his fingers brush against Jun’s. Or how Jun’s seem to linger again. As soon as Jun steps away, Tatsuya takes a decisive sip.

They both seem to know that they’ll be getting little sleep tonight; despite the fatigue and absolute exhaustion from running around a city and clamoring through temples, Tatsuya’s mind is restless. As Jun carefully hangs up the blue jacket of his uniform in the closet, the deep set look in his eyes speaks the same. Tatsuya slips his own jacket off and places it on the counter as Jun rolls up the white sleeves of his dress shirt, and he can’t help but wonder which part of the day Jun is fixated on, or if it’s an overabundance of distressing self-blame. It’s not just Jun’s words that make Tatsuya worry, but Jun’s desperate drive.

Tatsuya takes a seat on the bench by the piano and watches as Jun goes about what he can only guess are his routines. This many plants can’t be the easiest to take care off and Jun spends a few minutes going back and forth between the kitchen and each pot and vase. Each plant gets its own special attention and examination of stalks and leaves. Tatsuya guesses he’s checking for pests or any decay. All the flowers and plants are so green and vibrant.

It’s hard to describe why, but Tatsuya feels sad watching him.

As Jun is bringing back a small blue watering can to the kitchen, he glances Tatsuya’s way. A look of embarrassment passes across his face as he looks back down to his hands. He sets the plastic can on the counter by the sink.

“There’s not much to do here.” Jun says as he tucks some of his hair behind his ear. It immediately falls back.

“That’s okay,” Tatsuya offers. It does little to settle Jun’s anxious stance, but it’s there. Tatsuya sees the smile start to tug at the sides of Jun’s mouth. It’s the truth, though. Tatsuya isn’t sure he could express how nice a simple, quiet night away from it all would be. A normal life.

But that isn’t right either. If he wanted that, Tatsuya could have gone home and invited Jun to stay with him there. But his family is treating this like it’s nothing, just like so many other people in the city. It’s as though they can just move on and accept it all.

Tatsuya does not want to just ignore the looming inevitability. But to spend a quiet moment with someone who intimately understands the situation they’re in? Someone who needs this quiet moment just as badly? He looks to Jun and watches a thin hand twist at the watch around his wrist, fingers delicately running over the face and dials at its edge. There’s a reverence to the touch, but Jun is not looking at his wrist.

An honest smile finally peaks through the melancholy, and Tatsuya knows Jun understands.

Jun joins Tatsuya on the piano bench, sitting carefully at one end and Tatsuya hears the old thing groan, unused to such added weight. The cover over the keys slides up with a faint creak of the wood. Jun takes a look over to Tatsuya at his side as his hands hover over the white and black keys and Tatsuya gets the hint. He turns in his seat to face the piano. Jun’s smile is so warm before he straightens his back and looks down towards his hands.

“Would you like to play a song with me?” he asks. Tatsuya hesitates, but he isn’t opposed to the idea. He runs a couple fingers over a few of the keys in front of him.

“I don’t know how to play.” Tatsuya tries to copy how Jun is sitting. Jun’s chuckle is light.

“Here, I’ll teach you.” Jun reaches his left hand over and prompts Tatsuya to raise his to the keys. It’s a cool touch against Tatsuya’s naturally warm skin and Jun’s fingers are gentle as he shows him how to hold his hand. Tatsuya tries to focus— _relaxed and rounded, like cradling a bubble_ —and he tries to remember the chords Jun is patiently showing him. But Tatsuya can feel their sides pressed together on the narrow bench, and Jun is leaning in close. A sour note rings out every now and then, but Jun would correct him and Tatsuya would find the rhythm once again.

Tatsuya keeps his eyes down at his own hand as Jun looks at him. He isn’t sure if Jun is still smiling or not, but there’s a sense of peace settling around them as the four chords Tatsuya keeps repeating fill the small apartment.

“Just like that,” Jun finally says. Tatsuya almost doesn’t catch the whisper.

Jun straightens again in his seat, but Tatsuya doesn’t feel the absence. He keeps playing what Jun taught him and Jun takes a steadying breath before he joins in. Tatsuya doesn’t recognize the song, and he briefly wonders if Jun is improvising as somber yet uplifting notes fill the space between them.

He can’t help but watch Jun’s hands. They move so fluidedly over the keys, delicate with the flutter of notes and controlled with the crescendo. Tatsuya finds himself transfixed on the curve of his fingers and the way tendons move just under his pale skin. It’s as though they were made to caress a piano, or raise and tend to delicate flowers. It’s a bittersweet thought.

A deep sour note snaps Tatsuya out of his daze and he quickly bristles as he looks back to his own dull hand. His face heats up when he realizes he can’t remember the exact keys he was supposed to be playing, but Jun gently laughs at his side. It doesn’t feel condescending in any sort and Jun just keeps playing before he lets the notes ring out. He bites his lip to hold back his laughter and Tatsuya watches as Jun shifts down a few keys. His hands go ridged as he presses down hard and an awful mash of sour notes practically screeches out. Tatsuya nearly chokes as Jun keeps playing as though nothing is wrong.

Jun only gets a few measures in before he sputters and his hands stop and he’s bent over the keys, shoulders shaking with withheld laughter. Tatsuya can’t help it any longer and lets his own slip out. Jun sits up, and when he does he practically throws his head back and what an honest to god genuine laugh it is. It’s from the gut and Tatsuya watches through his own fit as Jun wipes at one of his eyes. Tatsuya doesn’t fight his smile and lets his shoulders slack. He can still feel Jun’s giggles shake his body as their sides remain pressed together.

The piano slowly goes quiet as the thrum dies down as does the rest of the apartment. Tatsuya hasn’t felt this at peace in far too long. Jun finally quiets at his side with a satisfied sigh, and Tatsuya feels him lean against his shoulder. It’s a solid weight. Tatsuya doesn’t know how many reassurances he needs. The full scale of their consequences still hasn’t hit yet, but Jun is at his side.

He doesn’t hesitate when he lets his arm slip between them and wrap across his back. His hand rests just above Jun’s hip and Tatsuya lets himself lean down into the juncture of Jun’s neck and shoulder. It’s awkward at that angle for him, but Jun doesn’t seem to mind as Tatsuya feels his arm shift, a hand sliding across his shoulders. It’s a firm yet comforting pressure.

Jun is silent as he turns just enough on the bench to better accommodate for Tatsuya’s tall frame against his, but Tatsuya feels gentle and tender fingers at the nape of his neck play and tangle with his hair. Jun sighs, and it’s as though he melts into Tatsuya as well. He can feel his heart pound against his ribs, and Tatsuya can’t actually tell who it rightfully belongs to.

“When I’m with you… I feel whole again.”

Those fingers at his neck stop and Tatsuya can feel Jun’s breath hitch at his words. They hadn’t meant to slip out, but Tatsuya meant them with a bared honestly he could only trust Jun to keep safe.

Jun doesn’t say anything, but Tatsuya doesn’t need him to. He already knows. Jun takes a deep, shuddering breath and firmly presses his lips to Tatsuya’s hair. A warmth blooms in his chest, right over his aching heart. Tatsuya doesn’t want to admit how scared he is. He doesn’t want to think about what it would mean to lose this fight.

A hand gently pushes at his shoulder, prompting him to sit up. As he does, Jun holds his gaze. His hand slips from Tatsuya’s shoulder to ghost fingertips across his cheek. It sends a shudder down Tatsuya’s spine at the reverence and he tries to hide it. Jun sees it. He looks so steady as his eyes hold his and Tatsuya wouldn’t look away for anything.

Even as Jun carefully stands from the bench, neither dare lose the connection. It isn’t a helpless feeling Tatsuya has settling in his gut, but something deeper. Something he isn’t afraid of as long as they’re together. Jun tenderly runs his thumb across his cheekbone as his other hand comes up to cup Tatsuya’s face and Tatsuya knows he isn’t completely lost. He doesn’t mind. When he reaches out to slide his hands to the small of Jun’s back and when Jun leans down to kiss his lips, he can’t help but arch up into it. His chest feels fit to burst, a tingling excitement just under his skin.

Jun’s lips linger against his and Tatsuya feels more certain in his convictions.

The small apartment, this private reprieve from the chaos and consequences just outside these thin walls, holds just about everything Tatsuya needs to keep going. Jun’s breath is feather-light against his lips, as though he’s holding his breath to make the moment last. He presses his forehead against Tatsuya’s as his eyes slide closed with contentment. Those cool, gentle fingers against his skin trail along his cheek and down his jawline leaving a wave of unwavering adoration in their wake. It feels like what home was always supposed to be for him.

This is worth the fight.


End file.
